Faith in you
By Anna Kontopoulou
“What is love to you?” he asked while I was lying next to him and he was
gently playing with my hair. His question was something I had never thought
about before in my entire life due to the fact that love is extremely hard to
define, and I don't have such a strength to look deep down into my soul and
create its definition. It goes beyond my limits and abilities, so I never
actually tried to think of what love is to me.
I looked in his eyes and noticed him patiently waiting for my answer,
evidently being in no rush and adoring me. His touch remained soft on my hair,
and every now and then he would caress my cheek as well. I knew that his
question was sincere and that he wanted to have a meaningful conversation with
me in order to feel more compassionate towards me and, of course, to build a
deeper connection with me. 'So, what is love to me?' I wondered in my mind as I
kept looking in his eyes, trying to find the correct words to reply to his
question.
The more I kept looking at him, the more I persuaded myself that love
was him. And that's what I wanted to tell him, because he was my love, but
something was holding me back from saying the word 'you'. Something was
preventing me and not allowing me to say that. It was my heart... My heart
wanted me to utilize all of my emotions and face them in order to give a
complete definition. Something more accurate, more affectionate, coming
directly out of my heart. Because yes, he was my love, but, love wasn't only him.
It was his love for me, his respect for me, his guidance and
reassurance, his smile and laugh, his beautiful soul that was filled with
kindness and his warm heart. It was the safety I have always felt around him,
his secure hug, his will to never hurt me. It was all the seconds we had shared
together, all the dates we had gone on, from a nice dinner at the nearby
restaurant to just lying together under the stars. It was also the intimacy,
the emotional and physical support that we would offer each other when needed,
and the quickness to respond to messages and calls. It was the romantic moments
and the slight teasing. The funny moments as well, where laughter seemed to be
the only sound in the world. Love to me was also the fun I have always had with
him and how fast time always passed when we were next to each other. Moreover,
I realized it was how we loved being with one another and how much we both
longed to be together again every moment we had to be apart.
But it was also the sad moments. Our emotional breakdowns, our need to
take things off our minds, and the times we even needed to cry on each other's
shoulders. And obviously I shouldn't forget to mention the struggles we've been
through as a couple. All the fights, the misunderstandings, the sadness, the
moments of despair, and forgiveness in the end of each dispute. We weren't
perfect, and that was okay because we were still young, nothing but two teenagers
trying to express their love. We made 'perfect' together, step by step, with
our imperfections. I could say we were perfectly imperfect, and that was all we
needed. It was only then, when I came to see that love was everything I had
been through so far with him. At that moment I knew exactly what to reply.
I brought my attention back to the present and noticed
his look still being on mine, his patience never-ending and he looked amazed by
how much I had been thinking of his question. I let a smile, full of love, be
formed on my lips, and I took a deep breath, savoring that moment between us.
He was still playing with my hair as if losing physical contact with me would
make the world end. Finally, my voice broke the calm silence of the room and
gave him the answer he had been waiting for.
“Love to me is like handing you a loaded gun, pointed
directly at my heart, and trusting you not to pull the trigger.” After my
statement, a moment of complete silence followed, and all I could hear was my
heart pounding in my chest. I don't remember with clarity what he answered or
what happened next, but there was one thing I am certain about. And that is the
feeling of his lips softly connecting with mine. Just like that, words and time
were erased for the both of us. And I knew that no matter how hard things would
get, neither of us would ever pull the trigger.
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